There was nothing Neitsche couldn't teach ye
Oh! John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
Oh, Socrates himself is particularly missed.
Oh! Immanuel Kant was a real pissant,
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger, was a boozy begger,
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume,
Schoepenhauer and Haegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine,
Who was just as sloshed as Schlagel.
About the raising of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.
Drank half a pint of shandy (was particularly ill).
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle, was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart.
``I drink, therefore I am!''
A lovely little thinker....
But a bugger when he's pissed!
This is presumably copyrighted material by Monty Python and/or the BBC, but it's been floating around on the Net without attribution for years. Please don't sue Greg; he isn't worth that much...