Love Guppy

by Sam Jones ( )

Here is another of Greg's favorite poems, for somewhat different reasons which will readily become apparent. Whew, this one certainly is `challenged.' Poetically, that is...

This is the defending champion in a ``can you bottom that'' love poetry contest. Anyone wanting to challenge its status is welcome to try.

- Sam Jones

You mean all the world to me.
Without you I can't be free.
You make me pant considerably.
You're my love guppy.

You have the finest rosebud's taste.
Without you my life is waste,
I'll stick to you like Elmer's paste.
You're my love guppy.

I'd break through a citadel.
I'd fight with a raging bull,
Though winning would seem improbable.
You're my love guppy.

My love's as strong as the mid-ocean ridge.
You shine like the rainbow bridge
or like that light inside my fridge.
You're my love guppy.

For you I'd consume haggis,
or lose the joys of Bacchus,
or live in sin with Mike Dukakis.
You're my love guppy.

No time's too long for me to wait.
For you, I'd fight against Fate,
though maybe you could lose some weight,
You're my love guppy.

Without you, I'd be not whole,
I would have to sell my soul,
or gulp a quart of Tide-E-Bowl.
You're my love guppy.

My passion is always mounting.
I'm like a geyser founting.
Well, maybe not, but who's counting?
You're my love guppy.

The love that is the more intense
always has the most silence,
like quiet bursts of flatulence.
You're my love guppy.

I know that my love is true.
I know that you'll love me too,
or I'll hold my breath 'till I turn blue
You're my love guppy.

I'd not forget you if I tried.
You make me all warm inside.
My love's as pure as Naugahyde.
You're my love guppy.

Then I hear the words let slip
From betwixt impatient lips,
``I want to have a relationship.
You're my love guppy.''

``Can you bottom that'' addendum as of 22 January 1996: Sam finally caught up with Greg and relayed this additional anecdote (used with permission):

About a year after I wrote it, I actually gave it to a woman of whom I was enamored. Four days later, she decided she really was a lesbian after all. In order to beat my claim of worst love poem, I think someone would have to offer equally powerful material evidence.

Full agreement from Greg on that.

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Last modified 23 July 2006 by Greg Roelofs, you betcha.